learning to see

“Good morning, Holy Spirit.”

I’m re-learning to make these words the first ones out of my mouth in the predawn hours of the morning.  The “routine” of life makes it easy to slip from this habit: we know where we’re going and what we’re going to do in a given day, and if you’re like me, the day easily becomes a game of trying to accomplish everything as quick as possible.  Making it a game relieves that horrible, nagging pressure that we in the West feel- the heavy, almost panicky sense that there are simply not enough hours in the day to meet all of the demands.  We Westerners thrive on our “to-do” lists: checking the boxes of people we’ve seen, tasks we’ve completed, and dare I say, the ways we’ve served...I’ve lived most of my life as the poster child of Western drive.  And I’ve enjoyed it, thank you very much.  No matter how many times I take the Strengths Finder test, I come out with “Achiever” as my top characteristic every time.  Fine with me.

The only problem with this is that it makes it difficult to see.

We all look at plenty in a given day.  Most of it gets little more than a passing glance, though…we tend to see the next task at hand, see the people in the room who we like most, see the innumerable challenges to getting to wherever it is we want to go.  We have preferences, and we have plans.  The idea of “reaching out” tends to strike us as a grand initiative; we know it’s what we’re meant to do, and we know it’s where we’re going, but…there’s just so much to do.

Busyness is often blamed as the culprit.  But maybe how much we have to do is less of an issue than what we see.

Recently, God told me that it was time to start “embracing the interruptions”.  This is a challenging word to us Type A Introvert Achievers.  But I’ve been doing my best to take wobbly steps in that direction.  I’ve started to ask to see again.  This means that when I go into a shop, out for a meal, or walk down the street, I make eye contact rather than focus all my attention on the next box to be checked or even on the friend I’m with.  It means that I greet people- as many as possible- and ask how their days are going.  It means that as I go through my tasks, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me notice anyone I should talk with.  It means that when I notice someone- a particularly sad or happy face, a pregnancy, an injured limb- I ask God whether he wants to say something to them or do something for them.

And it means that I start the day by saying, “good morning, Holy Spirit”.

This helps me remember that the day belongs to him.  He owns my life, which includes my to-do list.  He doesn’t seem to be opposed to the lists, generally, but he does reserve the right to interrupt or adjust those lists however he likes.  And since he owns me, I am his responsibility.  This means that if life starts to be chaotic, making me feel the need to “get on top of things” and making an extra conversation or interruption seem like an overwhelming idea, it is his responsibility to make sure that everything comes together as it needs to in the end.  It’s his responsibility to make sure that there’s money in the bank account and food on the table.  Fortunately, he’s a very responsible God who hasn’t dropped the ball on this, no matter how many times my very important plan for the day has been interrupted.

Here, the structure of my day is determined by saying, “good morning”.  I ask him where to go and when to do things, asking to see clearer.  It’s coming, although it feels slow sometimes.  Today I set out for town, planning to go a shop.  Sure enough, he interrupted, telling me to go to a new coffee shop instead.  Given the day’s plan, it seemed like the least convenient option.  But I gave up the discussion and went there…sure enough, an elderly gentleman ended up in line right behind me.  Within a few minutes, he told me with tears in his eyes about losing his wife of 40 years.  He comes to the coffee shop at exactly that time on Fridays, Saturdays, and Mondays.  We planned to meet on Monday.  I’ll be bringing friends, as this is exactly what he needs.  After I sat down, a young family with a pregnant mother ended up at the next table, and I knew God was speaking to me for her baby.  I shared it in the end- not well, maybe, but I know it was obedience.

On the way home, I passed a boy just outside his house whose arm was in a sling.  I knew I should stop and ask to pray for him…but I didn’t.  Why not?  I don’t know.  It’s humbling…these are wobbly first steps, indeed.  I'm learning to see.  Thank God that when I miss it, I can start again the next day by saying, “good morning, Holy Spirit”.